“Wormholes? Shiny” or “Chuck Versus The Wormhole”
by Metropolis Kid
Summary: Serenity's crew find themselves thrown through space and time. Their ship damaged and stuck in a decaying orbit, they're forced to land a shuttle on Earth-that-was, in the hope of finding replacement parts. But along the way, they run into team Bartowsk!
1. Chapter 1: The Setup

"**Wormholes? Shiny." **or** "Chuck Versus The Wormhole"**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

**AN:** This is my first foray into Chuck fan fiction, and I'm not all that experienced with Firefly fanfiction either. So I'm not sure if I can really pull this off, but I figured no harm in trying, right? Please let me know what you think. Any honest, constructive feedback (positive or negative) is appreciated.

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Setup**

Smoke filled the medium sized room that was Serenity's cockpit, and the stench of fried circuits was thick in the air. Wash coughed as he waved his hand back and forth, attempting to clear the smoke from the space in front of his face. Of course such actions did little good since the entire room was filled with smoke.

Fortunately for the ship's pilot, the captain soon appeared on the scene. The cockpit door was pulled open, allowing the smoke to disperse throughout the space ship's main compartment; and with several sharp inhales, Wash started to catch his breath. However, as relieved as the pilot was to discover he would not be suffocating, his joy was dampened by the knowledge that Mal would not be pleased by what had happened to his ship. And Wash was right.

"What's going on?" the captain asked. "Ship's been shaking like a condemned man staring at the gallows."

"I don't know, Mal," the pilot replied. "Serenity was flying along, smooth as you please, when all of a sudden..." Wash paused as he tried to think of the words to describe what he'd just seen.

"All of a sudden what?" Mal prompted, his tone tinged with impatience.

"Well, I don't know; this big, blue hole in space swallowed up the ship."

"Big, blue hole in space?"

"Yup."

Malcolm Reynolds eyed his pilot strangely. "You been hitting the sake?"

"You think I'm drunk?!" Wash could hardly believe Mal would accuse him of such a thing. He'd never fly drunk.

"You start talking about blue holes in space and the thought does come to mind, yes."

"He's not drunk," River cut in suddenly appearing from nowhere. "We've crossed the Einstein-Rosen bridge."

"The Einstein- what?"

Kaylee and Simon entered the room next -- Simon first, following his sister, and Kaylee second, following him. "River, I saw you running down the corridor; are you okay?" the doctor asked as he began a cursory examination of his sister. To Simon's relief he didn't find any fresh cuts, scrapes or bruises, and it seemed that River hadn't been injured during the turbulence.

"Where are we?" Kaylee asked as she noticed a planet outside the cockpit's window. Moving closer to the window and focusing on the planet, the mechanic noticed something familiar about the shape of the continents. "Is... is that Earth?" she continued with abated breath.

* * *

Chuck was standing behind the Nerd Herd counter when a woman walked up to him. "Excuse me, do you work here?"

The answer to that question was so obvious that another person might have replied condescendingly – with a response like, "Oh, no. I'm really a millionaire, Wall Street lawyer, and I just dress up in a Buy More uniform and stand behind this counter for the fun of it. I find it a relaxing way to spend the weekend."

But Chuck was a nice guy, and that kind of sarcastic and insulting response never even crossed his mind. "Yes, I do," he answered with a smile. "How can I help you?"

"Well, I was in here last week, and I bought a copy of Halo 2 for my son's birthday. But when he tries to play it on his laptop," – as the woman spoke she raised said laptop, which she'd been holding in her right hand, and set it down on the counter – "it just runs so slow. I think something's wrong with it."

"Okay, let's take a look." Chuck lifted the lid of the laptop, booted it up, found the Halo 2 disk already in the disk drive and started the game. He then discovered that it was indeed running very slowly. However, a quick look at the laptop's system specs told him why. The laptop only had one GB of RAM – the absolute minimum required to run the game. Consequently, the laptop's hardware was being taxed to it's limits and therefore it wasn't preforming very well.

"Alright, it looks like you don't have enough RAM to properly run this game."

It was obvious from the woman's expression that she didn't have the slightest idea what Chuck was talking about. Even still, the 'nice guy', Buy More employee's smile never wavered. He simply switched from describing the problem to suggesting solutions. "But we can increase the laptop's RAM."

"Oh... How much will that cost?"

"Around a hundred dollars, but then the Laptop will be able to run this game... and everything else on it will be faster too."

The woman hesitated for a moment, but then she agreed. She left the laptop and her contact information, thanked Chuck for his help and then headed out of the store. And Chuck turned around and set the laptop on top of a pile of others that they needed to upgrade or fix.

As Chuck stood up and turned back around to face the counter, he was startled to find Casey standing there, looming over him. Chuck gasped involuntarily, but calmed once his brain registered that it was one of his handlers/body guards and so he wasn't in any immediate danger from the NSA trained killer.

"Casey, would you please stop sneaking up on me like that?"

"Aw, did I frighten you, Chuck?" the assassin asked in a condescending tone.

"Yes, actually," Chuck replied.

"Well too bad. Sarah called and said that she wants us to meet her at the Castle. Seems we've got a mission."

* * *

"Well, guys and gals," Mal began as his crew gathered around him. "Time for a little of the good, the bad and the ugly. We've apparently slipped through some kind of wormhole... thing-"

"Crossed the Einstein-Rosen bridge," River cut in, her voice a neutral monotone.

"Yeah... Anyway, as I'm sure Kaylee's already mentioned to some of you, that big, blue 'gem' that we're floating around is Earth. But, it's not _our_ Earth."

"Er, what do you mean 'it's not _our_ Earth'?" Jayne asked, obviously unhappy with the somewhat cryptic statement.

"What he means is it's Earth-that-was. According to our scans the planet below us is pre-migration, pre-interplanetary travel, pre-everything," Wash explained.

Jayne's brow furled. "Hog-wash."

"No, he's right. The tempo has switched, and the stars have spun their eternal dance backwards," River confirmed, though exactly what she meant by this, no one was sure.

"Okay," Inara responded. "So the bad news is that we've been thrown through time and space... and I'm assuming have no idea how to get back?"

"No," Mal replied, "That would be the ugly news."

"If that's the ugly news, then what's the bad news, Sir?" Zoe asked.

Mal opened his mouth to reply, but Wash beat him to it. "Oh, that would be that our orbit's decaying, travel through the wormhole fried our guidance controls, and if we can't get them fixed up within seven hours, we're going to have to abandon Serenity... or, you know, turn into crispy, little pieces as the ship burns up on reentry," the pilot answered his wife's question in a faux care-free tone.

"Shiny," Jayne cut in sarcastically. "So we're not only lost in the past; we're going to be stuck here?"

"Now wait a minute, Jayne," Shepard Book responded, "The captain said that there was good news too."

"Right you are, Preacher," Mal replied, "Kaylee and Wash have made a list of the components we need to fix the guidance system, and luckily our scanners have located some early Earth rocket bases that should have them all. So, Wash flies Zoe, Jayne and I down in one of the shuttles. We pull a quick snatch and grab then hightail it back up here and fix up Serenity's guidance system," he continued with forced optimism.

* * *

Within their secret base Chuck, Sarah and Casey stared at a display screen depicting the layout of a classified missile base in the deserts of Arizona. "And this is what we believe the Ring is after," the voice of Brigadier General Diane Beckman informed as the display zoomed in on an underground silo.

"I don't understand. Why this rocket instead of all the others?" Sarah asked.

But before General Beckman had a chance to answer, Chuck's eyes contracted and a series of images quickly flashed before them. "It's a Cobalt bomb, a planet killer, theoretically capable of destroying all life on Earth." The human Intersect shook his head, his eyes returning to normal. "General, why would we build such a thing?" he asked in shock.

"For the same reason the Ring wants to steal it – MAD, Mutual Assured Destruction. If the enemy knows that if you're defeated, you can launch a weapon that also destroys them, they'll stay at bay."

"So the Ring wants this as an insurance policy?" Casey asked.

"I suppose that means we're making them nervous... I guess that's good news," Sarah added, trying to find the silver lining in their current situation.

Casey just grunted in reply.

"Not to sound... less than confident, General, but isn't this a little out of our league?" Chuck questioned. "I mean there's only three of us. Wouldn't it make more sense to surround the rocket with a platoon of Marines or something?"

"That's not necessary. The base is already locked down tight, and there are fail safes in place that blast that rocket off into deep space if we lose control of the facility. The Ring won't try a direct assault. But we think one of their agents has infiltrated the team stationed there... or their security detail.

"And that's where you come in, Team Bartowski. We need the Intersect to find the Ring spy. So we're sending you in undercover to see if Chuck 'flashes' on anyone."

The General stopped and leaned forward, her demeanor somehow becoming even more serious. "And, Chuck, flash on someone," she ordered, "because if you don't, we're all in danger of Nuclear Armageddon."

Shifting back into her previous posture, the General finished, "The fate of the world rests on your shoulders, Team Bartowski." And with that, the main view screen went dark, and Chuck gulped, trying hard to swallow the lump that had formed at the back of his throat.

* * *

Well, I hope you all enjoyed. Please drop a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


	2. Chapter 2: Why Can't It Ever Go Smooth

**Chapter 2: Why Can't It Ever Go Smooth**

**AN: **In order to improve clarity, I'm going to try posting the new setting in bold immediately after each scene shift. Hope this helps.

* * *

**Firefly Shuttle **

Jayne shifted the large, bulky rifle uncomfortably. "Hey, Mal, why can't we just use our regular guns?" the killer asked. "I hate this high-tech, Alliance, luh-shu," he grumbled.

"The rifles may be 'high-tech, Alliance, luh-shu', but they're _nonlethal_ high-tech, Alliance, luh-shu. And like I done told you before, if anything goes down, we can't risk killing nobody."

"Well, why the Hell not? Not like it's anything we haven't done before."

"True, but previously we weren't pulling jobs in our own past. The less we muck about with history the better. No sense opening _that_ can of worms. Let's just get in, get what we need to fix up our ship and get out without impacting the time stream any more than absolutely necessary."

Jayne said nothing in reply, but he did let out a barely audible huff. If there was one thing the bruiser hated more than being saddled with Alliance weapons, it was being told he couldn't kill anyone – some people just got in the way and needed killing.

Still, he was all for the 'get in and out as quickly as possible' part. After all, it wasn't like he was getting paid by the hour. Actually, now that he thought about it, he wasn't going to see any money at all off of this job. Shiny, things just kept getting better and better.

Eventually the shuttle touched down in the desert, and Mal, Zoe and Jayne got out. They began to make their way to the rocket base, leaving Wash behind, alone with the shuttle that was to take them back to Serenity.

* * *

**Inside the Rocket Base**

"Remember, Chuck, the Ring spy could be anyone. So stay close and let us know as soon as you flash on anything," Sarah reminded in a pleasant, somehow encouraging tone.

"And don't do anything to tip the guy off," Casey added in a significantly more threatening one.

Chuck nodded and then took a deep breath before following Sarah and Casey into the base commander's office.

The three were disguised as technicians, there to examine the rockets' computer guidance systems and make sure that they were still functioning properly. And even the base commander had no idea that that was just his three guests' cover, for even he was not above suspicion. Of course the orders for the inspection had already come to him from higher up the command chain, and he didn't suspect a thing. The base commander issued temporary passes to Chuck, Sarah and Casey; and, since Chuck didn't flash on anything in the man's office, the three continued onward.

It wasn't long, however, before Chuck did flash on someone, a custodian of all things. The human Intersect stopped dead in his tracks and smiled nervously as the janitor in question raised an eyebrow at him and continued on past. Of course, once the Ring agent was around the corner, Chuck told his handlers what he'd seen.

They both nodded. Sarah said that he'd done a good job, but that he should go wait in the car now, and Casey just emitted another of his trademark grunts – number seventeen, Chuck noted, slightly pleased with a hint of 'now get out of my way'. And he figured that was the closet thing to a compliment he'd ever get from the government trained killer.

The two left Chuck to make his own way back to the safety of the 'Nerd Herder' while they took off after the Janitor, and that was when everything went slantwise.

Red lights pulsated, and a siren started blaring, indicating that the base was under attack. And the janitor noticing this, turned back to cast a suspicious look over his shoulder. He spoted the two 'techs' following him and, assuming that his cover had been blown, made a break for it. He ran outside, where it seemed a fire fight was already in progress. Muzzles flashed in the twilight of the setting sun, and bizarre, blue bolts of energy zoomed through the air. The Ring agent didn't have the foggiest idea what was going down, but he hoped that, whatever it was, it would create enough chaos to cover his escape.

Sarah and Casey, however, were determined to keep that from happening. As they exited the building, they too saw the signs of the most unusual fire fight that had broken out; but concentrating on the task at hand, they refused to let themselves be distracted. They saw their target making his way around the building, most likely heading for the parking lot on the other side.

Sarah kept on the man, while Casey circled around the other side, planning to cut him off. But this plan proved fruitless as the NSA agent came around the building corner and found a heavily armed, dark skinned woman already there.

She was dressed in tight pants – leather, Casey guessed. She had on a short red jacket, and a large duffel bag hung at her side, its strap stretching over her neck and to the far shoulder. But the thing that drew Casey's attention the most was the large, Sci-Fi-ish rifle that rested in her hands.

Obviously she wasn't with the base's MPs, and that meant she was with whoever was attacking them. Casey started to bring his gun-arm up, but he never got the chance; for the woman, upon first catching sight of him had had a knee-jerk reaction, raised her own 'hand canon' and fired.

The shimmering blue sphere hit Casey in the chest, right where his heart was; and although it didn't pierce his flesh, it still hurt... a lot. The NSA agent went flying backwards, driven by the kinetic force of the Alliance concussion rifle, and landed a couple feet away. He stared up at the women who'd shot him and noticed a surprised and slightly regretful look on her face as the world dimmed before his eyes and he slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

**Elsewhere – Outside the Rocket Bases' Command Building**

Jayne continued onward. He and Mal and Zoe had gotten separated shortly after the fire fight started, but he knew where the shuttle was. If he could just reach it with his hide intact, he'd be fine. Sure Zoe had the parts they needed to fix Serenity; but somehow, in Jayne's list of priorities, staying alive toped getting the ship fixed.

Besides, it wasn't like he could do much about the ship right then and there anyway. There was no way he was going to be able to sneak back and pilfer some more parts, not now that the base was on high alert. And even if he could, he'd have no idea what to grab. No, the fate of Serenity, for the moment at least, rested solely on the shoulders of her captain and first officer... wherever they were.

So Jayne continued onward, around the building that stood between him and where the shuttle had set down. However, as he cleared the building a black car went speeding by, almost running him down in the process, and then something very unexpected happened. An odd, very small vehicle followed the black car, but this vehicle didn't nearly run Jayne over. Instead it screeched to a stop in front of him, and the passenger's side door was thrown open.

"Hurry up, Casey! The Ring agent's getting away!" a strange blonde woman shouted.

Jayne's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He had no idea who this woman was... or who 'Casey' was for that matter. And the only thing he knew about this 'Ring' agent was that, apparently the guy or girl was getting away and this upset the blonde woman sitting in the small, land vehicle's driver's seat.

At first Jayne was just going to continue on and leave the obviously confused girl, who was driving the unimposing 'rover', to whatever insanity she was in the throws of. However, two MPs came around the building, spotted him and started shooting. And as the automatic gunfire split the air to his left and above his head, Jayne quickly decided that the safest thing he could do at the moment was leap into the passenger's seat and let this blonde drive him (hopefully) away from the people who wanted his head on a platter.

And so, the interplanetary criminal dove into the Nerd Herd car, and Sarah slammed her foot down on the gas petal. The car abruptly accelerated, and Jayne felt the force of that acceleration push him into the synthetic leather of his seat.

From somewhere behind him, a sharp yelp pierced the air; and as Jayne recovered from the inertia he craned and turned his neck to see what had emitted that sound. It was then that the hardened fugitive saw the geek sitting in the back, his fingers digging into the 'pleather' of the back seat, holding on for dear life. Jayne emitted a strange sound, half way between a sigh and a growl, before his attention was diverted back to the front windshield by the roar of gunfire.

The driver in the car they were chasing had stuck his left hand out the window and was firing wildly at his pursuers. Jayne reached for his own side arm, in order to return fire. And it was only when Jayne's hand groped empty air that he remembered that, in accordance with Mal's orders, he'd left his pistol back on Serenity.

"Don't tell me you don't have a gun... for once?" the blonde to Jayne's side said, apparently having guessed at the merc's troubles. She sighed and then continued, "Take mine – in my waist band, behind the coat."

Despite the life threatening situation, Jayne's lips pulled into a slight smirk as he once again 'groped' for a pistol, only this time in much more... interesting territory. Of course, always having been one to prize staying alive, Jayne's hand didn't linger... for _too_ long on the blonde's lower back; and pulling out the concealed weapon, he stuck his hand through his own window and began firing through the other vehicle's rear window.

The glass shattered, and the man in the other car stopped firing. He pulled his left hand inside. And, realizing that his own chance at escape rested in reaching the highway and out maneuvering his pursuers, he tightly gripped the steering wheel with both hands as he gunned the car for all it was worth.

Sarah, seeing how close they were getting to the highway and realizing the potential for disaster should their high-speed chase reach an area with that many other vehicles, quickly came to a decision. "Chuck," she began as she opened a hidden compartment in the Nerd Herder's dashboard and pushed the red button within, "time to get out of the car."

Suddenly the roof retracted into the trunk, and thrusters fired beneath the backseat. And with a high pitched, girlish shriek, Chuck was ejected. The Intersect, her asset, safely out of harm's way, Sarah said a prayer and pushed the green button which rested beside the red one. Almost instantly, the small car's speed doubled, and Sarah guided it to her target.

"Oh, gos se," Jayne grumbled as he figured out what the crazy blonde beside him was planning. However, the space outlaw had time for nothing else, since the two vehicles collided virtually at the same second the words exited his mouth.

The thrusters underneath Chuck's seat exhausted their meager fuel supply. A parachute opened behind the back rest, and the geeky spy was safely lowered back to the ground. And as soon as he touched down, Chuck was fumbling nervously with his seat-belt, trying to get it off as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, all his fumbling only resulted in the simple procedure taking twice as long as usual.

But eventually, the Intersect freed himself from the ejector seat and rushed over to the twisted hunk of metal that had once been two separate vehicles. He ran to the driver's side door, Sarah's door, and only when he saw her through the broken window glass, saw her chest rising and falling with each breath she took, did the geek realize that he'd been holding his own.

He let it out now as he turned her head to the side and tried to focus the computer in his brain on assessing her condition. Finally he flashed and the intersect told him that his handler had only suffered some bruising and minor scrapes and cuts, the latter most likely from the shattered glass, and that she was only dazed.

"Sarah, are you okay?" Chuck couldn't help but ask, though he already knew the answer.

The blonde stirred slowly. "Wh-what? Oh, yeah. I'm... fine. Wouldn't want to do that again," she quipped, "But fine." Sarah flashed Chuck a quick smile and then turned to the large man sitting beside her. "Casey, are you okay?"

The man let out a long moan as he firmly pressed his hand into a gash that ran down the side of his head, applying pressure to stop the bleeding. "Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh ur-tze!" he swore before turning to Sarah. "Who the Gorram is Casey?!" Jayne demanded angrily.

"Oh, crap," Chuck commented as he came to the most logical conclusion. "Sarah, I think Casey's got amnesia."

* * *

**Inside the Firefly Shuttle**

Wash opened the hatch as soon as he saw his wife coming. "Hey, Baby, did you have fun shopping?" he greeted. "Get everything on the list?"

"Honey, you know I love you, but now's really not the best time for jokes." As soon as the words left Zoe's mouth, Mal appeared at the hatch, a large, unconscious man slung over his shoulder.

Dropping the man to the floor and then climbing in himself, Mal shouted, "Wash, get us in the air!"

The pilot quickly complied. And only once they were safely on their way back to Serenity did he ask about what had happened.

"Well, security was a might tighter than we were expecting," Mal answered. "They spotted us on our way back out, started shooting and then all kinds of Hell broke lose. We got separated, ran around like chickens with our necks chopped for a bit. Somehow, Jayne got a hold of one of the local's clothes and must have figured they'd help him blend in better."

"And did they?"

"That they did; that they did. In fact, he blended in so well that Zoe shot him in the confusion, and I had to haul his unconscious self all the way back here."

"Oh, sounds like... No, actually that doesn't sound like fun at all."

"No, it don't," Mal replied and then let out a long breath. "But at least we got the parts we need to fix up Serenity," he then continued as he cast a proud look at the duffel bag resting beside Zoe.

* * *

Well, I hope you all enjoyed. Please drop a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


	3. Chapter 3: The Old Switcheroo

**Chapter 3: The Old Switcheroo  
**

**

* * *

****Serenity**

Slowly he came to, and as the darkness began to fade shadowed shapes took form. Then light entered in, and the world was bathed in color and depth. Casey's vision was still a little blurry, but it was manageable.

The NSA assassin looked around, trying to ascertain his current location. '_Semi-lying position. Counters and draws. Syringes, bottles, vials. Various other medical instruments. Hospital? Examination room at the very least. But one of ours... or one of there's?'_

Then Casey heard muffled voices from outside the room he was in. They were low, and he couldn't make out much of what was being said. But he did notice Chinese words mixed in with the English ones, and, as far as he was concerned, that provided the answer to his previous, unspoken question.

He'd been captured by Chinese insurgents. Oh, how he _hated_ insurgents. And they had him stowed away somewhere, most likely a safe house... or worse – the Chinese embassy.

However, Casey's captors had made two mistakes. One, they must have overestimated the damage done to him, for they'd left him unrestrained _and_ unguarded. And two, they'd placed him in a room full of potential weapons.

With a sly sounding grunt, Casey rolled off of the half-table, half-chair he'd been left lying on and armed himself. He shoved a scalpel up one of his sleeves and then grabbed hold of a nearby needle.

Had Casey been able to ascertain the contents of any of the various vials, he would've selected a particularly nasty one to fill his syringe with. But, even though he could read the Chinese characters on the labels, the names they made up were unknown to him. The result of some code or encryption method, the NSA agent assumed.

Still, it was no great loss. One did not need to inject poison into another's veins to kill them. A simple injection of air would suffice if administered properly. So, Casey pulled back on the plunger, filling the syringe in his hand with air, and then crept silently out of the room.

Casey soon found himself on a railing, over looking a lower area where several people were gathered together. Funny, none of them looked Chinese – though oriental influences were plainly visible in the clothes of the better dressed ones. The Chinese must have been recruiting spies from other countries to do their dirty work. Diabolical!

Casey quickly analyzed the group gathered before him. He picked out the smaller man who was wearing the most expensive clothes and assumed that man was the leader of the group. And so, he would be Casey's best chance at getting back his team and escaping from... wherever he was being held.

Grabbing hold of the railing, Casey swung his body over the side, and then, releasing his grip, the government trained assassin dropped to the floor. Before anyone could react, he had one arm wrapped around the well dressed man and the deadly syringe pressed against a vein in the man's neck.

"Jayne, what do you think you're doing?!" a man in suspenders hollered.

Casey ignored the exclamation. "Okay, everyone stay calm – nobody try anything or your leader gets it. First tell me what you did with the others."

"Have you gone space mad? What others?!"

"The rest of my team... the geek and the blonde. Tell me where they are or I'll..."

Alas the crew never did get to find out what the 'obviously deranged' man was going to do if they didn't tell him where the two 'fictitious' team members, he was asking about, where. Instead the large man was instantly knocked unconscious by a high, sweeping kick to the back of his head.

What Casey didn't know, while he was holding his hostage, was that the whole time a slight girl in very large combat boots had somehow managed to silently sneak up behind him. And she knew right where to aim her kick in order to fell the large man without causing any permanent damage.

* * *

**Casey's Apartment**

"Casey, are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Yeah, ah, I'll be fine," Jayne replied.

For the last hour these two had been filling him in on 'his' history, hoping that something they said would brake through the man's supposed amnesia and generate a memory. Such hopes were futile of course, since Jayne didn't have amnesia, but was instead a completely different person from who they thought.

However, he was not about to tell them this. He was alone and, even worse, unarmed on what (to him) was an alien world. Cut off from the rest of Serenity's crew, these two locals were the only allies Jayne had, and he wasn't about to tell them who he really was and risk losing that single advantage.

Even still, that didn't mean that he wanted them hanging around... Well, under different circumstances, he wouldn't have at all minded the pretty blonde's company. In fact, where he not in this bizarre predicament, he'd have been trying to 'get to know' her better.

But Jayne believed in prioritizing his life: money before friends; girls before money; guns before girls (usually) and, first and foremost, his own hide. And right now, the interplanetary killer needed time away from these two locals in order to get his bearings and figure out his next step.

"Okay... But remember, if you need anything, Morgan and I are right across the-" Chuck's offer was cut off as the door to Casey's apartment quickly slammed shut.

"Uh," the human Intersect mumbled, "Guess rudeness must be an inherent trait in Casey, huh?"

Sarah flashed the geek a slight smile. "Ah, don't let it get to you. Casey's... well, Casey." She paused before continuing, "We stopped the Ring from getting their hands on a planet killing missile today, possibly saving billions of lives. You should be proud."

"So... what you're saying is we did good?" Chuck asked in a goofy tone.

And Sarah responded by messing the geek's hair. "Yeah, we did good."

Watching the two from one of the windows, Jayne couldn't help but growl at the simpletons. "Never understand why some people want to be the 'big, damn heroes'," he grumbled.

And then Jayne remembered his time on Canton and begrudgingly acknowledged that there was something appealing about the adoration of others. The interplanetary fugitive growled once more, this time directing the scorn more at himself than the two locals. Then he moved away from the window and began to search the house for the most important of all items – a gun.

At first the killer's search seemed fruitless, but then he found a secret button concealed within a draw in the TV cabinet. And upon pushing that button, the bookcase on the right wall flipped around, the other side displaying a glass case filled with various rifles, shotguns and pistols. Suddenly Jayne's eyes lit up, and the large grin plastered across his face would've rivaled the one William "B.J." Blazkowicz had the first time he came across a Gatling-gun.

"Ohhh," he chuckled dryly, "I think I may be able to get use to this place after all."

* * *

**Back At The Ship**

"Okay, Doc," Mal said, "Wake him up."

As per Mal's order, Simon injected a stimulant into the muscle tissue of one of Casey's (now restrained) arms. It took a minute for the stimulant to take effect, but soon Casey began to stir.

"Alright, Jayne," Mal began as the large man tied to the medical recliner opened his eyes. "Suppose you tell me the root of this traitorous behavior you've been exhibiting. Why'd you try to take the good doctor here hostage. You got space dementia or something?"

"John Casey. 1968. Colonel, NSA. Service number: 002-54-9781."

"What the... What does all that mean?" Simon asked.

"Name, date of birth, rank and service number. Under the Geneva Convention that's all the information a POW is required to give, and – by God – that's all you filthy commies are going to get from me."

Mal looked over at Simon. "You think Jayne might _actually_ _have_ space dementia?"

Casey's face briefly twisted into a surprised expression. Out of all the possible responses to his last statement, that had not been one he expected. But the NSA agent quickly regained his composure. They were trying the 'Alice in Wonderland' approach. That had to be it. Well, he was not going to fall for it. They had his name, birth date, rank and service number, and he wasn't about to give them anything more. He'd just keep his mouth shut, regardless of what psychological tactics they tried to employ.

"That's not Jayne," a voice suddenly answered from the medical room entrance-way, and both Mal and Simon turned to find that River had snuck up on them.

"How do you know that?" Simon asked.

"His whispers are different – voices from the past. The one's in his head are not at all like Jayne's."

Once again, Mal turned to Simon. "She's your sister; you got any idea what she's talking about?"

"I... I think she's saying that this man's memories are different from Jayne's."

"And how would she-" Mal began before thinking better of it. "No, on second thought, I don't want to know." He turned back to the large man, now behind him and stared for a moment. "Well, if he ain't Jayne, he sure does bare a powerful resemblance."

"Most likely similarities inherited genetically," River offered up.

"So, the two of them are related?" Mal mused.

"Well, we are in the past," Simon commented. "Perhaps this is one of Jayne's ancestors."

"Could be. Could be. Sure is a family like resemblance," Mal consented. "So, that just leaves the one question – if this isn't Jayne, then where might our lost shipmate be?"

* * *

**Outside Casey's Apartment**

Chuck knocked on Casey's door. There was no answer. So, he knocked again. Still no answer, and so he continued knocking until the door was roughly jerked open and he was greeted by the sight of a large, professional killer wielding an M-60.

"Yikes, Casey, don't you think that's overkill?"

"Overkill?" The strange word felt somehow foreign as it rolled off Jayne's tongue.

"Yeah, things can be hectic at the Buy More on the weekends, but they're not that bad," Chuck joked.

Jayne cast a strange look at the geek. "Buy More?"

"Yeah, we told you about this last night, remember? You and I work at the Buy More as part of our cover. Sarah works at the yogurt shop next door."

"Oh... right," Jayne replied and then spotted the small land vehicle parked outside the apartment. "Wait, didn't the blonde trash that thing last night?" he asked with a confused expression.

"Yes, but every time that happens the government gives us a new one before anyone back at the Buy More can get suspicious."

"So then she's in the habit of ramming other vehicles?" Jayne asked, a slightly worried look on his face. If that was the case he certainly wasn't going to be getting into any rovers she was driving again.

"What? No. They just... have a way of getting totaled in our line of work."

"How?"

"Oh, bombs, gunfire, rocket attacks, decoys to draw fire... train crashes – a lot of different ways actually."

"Ahuh, I... think I'll just stay here."

Chuck's brow furled. Was Casey worried... about what he'd said? Funny, usually it happened the other way around. "Come on, Casey, we're just driving to the Buy More. I'm sure the Nerd Herder wont suddenly burst into flames or anything," Chuck replied in a joking tone.

And Jayne sighed and started to head towards the strange, small vehicle. A look through one of the windows reminded him which side the steering wheel was on, and he began to walk around to the driver's side door.

"Uh, Casey, don't you think I should drive?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, do you remember the traffic laws?"

Oh great, this planet had laws governing traffic? This backwater hole was as bad as a core world. "Fine," Jayne consented. And then he once again began to walk around the car.

"Oh, and probably best if you stow that gun in the trunk."

The only reply Chuck received to this comment was in the form of a begrudging grunt. And this caused the geek's lip to curl slightly. Sarah was right, memory or no, Casey was still Casey.

* * *

Well, I hope you all enjoyed. Please drop a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


	4. Chapter 4: Home Again

**Chapter 4: Home Again**

**

* * *

**

**Serenity**

"How many times I gotta tell you. We ain't Chinese insurgents. We're," Mal began once more but was interrupted by Casey who, despite his earlier affirmation, simply couldn't listen to the suspendered man's insane ramblings any longer without comment.

"A gang of interplanetary bandits from the future, yeah, and I'm sure you can get me a great deal on a bridge in England," the NSA assassin grumbled in an insulting tone.

"Well, when he puts it like that, it does sound a little hard to swallow, Cap," Wash chimed in from the back wall of the infirmary where everyone who didn't have anything better to do had gathered to get a glimpse of Jayne's supposed ancestor.

"Alright, I can see trying to reason with you ain't gonna work. So, Doc, if you'd please..."

"If I'd please what?" Simon asked with a confused expression on his face.

"Give him something to put him under again," Mal replied in a slightly strained tone.

"Oh," Simon responded as he filled another syringe and stuck it into Casey's arm. The fugitive doctor pushed down on the plunger, and the venom poured into Casey's system. His eyes grew heavy, his vision clouded and it became increasingly difficult to think. And then, after a few seconds, the NSA agent's strength gave out and he succumbed to the call of oblivion.

When Casey's eyes began to flutter open once more he found himself unrestrained, but clothed in a cumbersome suit, one which encased his entire body, including his head. The man could still see, however, thanks to a glass faceplate within the suit's helmet. And what Casey saw took even his breath away.

There, just beyond his grasp hung the wide, open expanse of the universe itself. Stars, un-obscured by any planetary atmosphere, shimmered like a vast ocean of diamonds. The sheer scope of the scene sent chills through Casey's body, the view simultaneously exhilarating and humbling in a way he never thought possible.

Without conscious thought, Casey stretched his arms out towards the star studded black. And time seemed meaningless as he floated in the infinite expanse, his only tether to the mortal realm a thin cable which secured him to the outer-hull of the Firefly known as Serenity.

And then a voice resounded in Casey's helmet, snapping him out of his awestruck, dreamlike state. "Now do you believe me?" Mal asked in a somewhat smug tone.

* * *

**Burbank Buy More**

Jayne just stood where he was, in a spot on the left side of the semi-circle that all the employees had gathered into. He couldn't believe his eyes as a large black man – Big Mike, he thought he remembered someone calling guy – held up a small piece of paper in the shape of an extremely primitive flying device.

"Alright, everyone, you all know what this is, a... one-dollar... Children's... Miracle... Network... balloon. And that means that, once again, it's time for our annual collection drive. Now for the past three years our competitors over at Large-Mart have raised twice the money we have. Well, that streak ends _now_," the man spoke with determined conviction.

"And you want to know why? … Because this year we are going to be aggressive! Exceptionally aggressive. Now, I don't care if the customer's come in for a new television, a video game, a blender... or simply to use our bathrooms. I don't want them leaving here without purchasing one of these little pieces of paper."

Jayne noticed two of the other employees -- a dark skinned, little slip of a man and an older, balding one, whose vacant expression somehow caused his protruding brow to indicate absent minded stupidity rather than the high intelligence such a characteristic usually represented – were whispering and snickering to each other.

And it seemed that Big Mike had caught sight of the scene as well. "Jeff! Lester!" the big man shouted as he drew up next to the two employees, who became suddenly silent. "Something funny, boys?" the boss asked with a faux smile upon his face.

"Well, yeah, I mean they're just paper balloons," a member of the previously snickering pair began hesitantly. "Who cares if they outsell us? All the money's just going to that charity anyways."

"Hmmm," the large man hummed and stroked his chin as he seemed to be mulling over his employee's response. "Maybe you have a point. After all, it's not like our store's making any money on the deal, right?"

The pair nodded.

"So, why not let Large-Mart pull ahead again? It's all going to the same place anyway, right?"

Once more the pair nodded.

And then the other shoe fell as Big Mike's mask of kindness hardened into unyielding stone. "I'll tell you why. Because these 'just paper balloons' represent something far greater. They represent charity – a compassionate, giving soul, the selfless act of self-sacrifice for another. They represent that epitome of the highest human traits, empathy and benevolence... exactly the traits customers want to see in the company they do business with.

"Every month after the annual drive, Large-Mart's sales increase by up to twenty percent. And you know why... It's because everyone sees them as the kind, giving store – the Santa Clause of the retail world. And what does that make us here at the Buy More? A bunch of crotchety, old scrooges, that's what.

"Well, not this year. This year we're going to show those little... 'elves' over at Large-Mart that we can be every bit as charitable as them. And with that in mind, I'm pairing you off into teams, and whichever team collects the most contributions by the end of the charity drive will earn themselves one weekend off... with pay.

"Now, I want you to beg. I want you to plead. I want you to scheme and manipulate. I want you to hold up pictures of those wide-eyed little kids on the Children's Miracle Network pamphlets. I want you to pull any low-down, dirty trick you can think of to sell these balloons. This is the year when we show those stuck-up Large-Mart employees the true meaning of charity... and send them crying home to their mommas." Having finished his little speech, Big Mike announced the teams, adjourned the mourning meeting and headed off to his office.

Jeff and Lester (who'd been paired up with one another) eagerly chirped about how great it would be to get an extra weekend off so they could work on their musical 'art' then jumped up and high-fived each other.

And Jayne, who'd been paired up with Chuck, hung his head and sighed quietly. Clearly he was on a planet of morons. And what was worse was that, since the rest of Serenity's crew had left without him, the space fugitive realized that he might be stuck on this planet of morons for a very, very long time.

* * *

**Firefly Shuttle**

"Can't believe I was abducted by aliens," Casey mumbled, more to himself than those around him.

"Ah, come now. That's not fair. We're just as human as you are," Wash commented in his usual, carefree tone.

"Actually since we were all born on other planets, Casey's statement is technically accurate," River cut in from the shuttle's far corner.

"Don't worry," Mal replied to Casey, ignoring the statements of his two crew-mates. "Now that we've gotten everything straightened out we'll have you back home quicker than Dorothy could click her slippers together. Maybe even pick up one of our own while we're down there."

"Dorothy's slippers, Sir?" Zoe asked with a confused look upon her face.

"It's a reference to an old Earth-That-Was movie," River explained.

"Hey now, didn't expect anyone else to have seen that classic," Mal responded, surprised that one of his crew got the reference.

"We haven't," River replied simply, drawing puzzled stares from everyone save Wash.

The pilot, long ago having decided that the best way to deal with the young girl's 'quirks' were to just ignore them... whenever possible, directed the conversation down a different path by saying, "You know, Sir, we could just leave Jayne down there."

"With all those savages? That would be beyond cruel," River commented and paused for a moment. "Could we really do that?" she then continued in a rare ribbing tone drawing a slight chuckle from every one of the shuttles other occupants, save Casey.

He just sat there silently and wondered what kind of future could coax one of his own descendants to abandon his government and throw his lot in with lawless thieves. Could the world have really changed that much? Or had his patriotic blood been watered down over the years to create such flexible loyalties. Whichever was the case, the government trained killer was relieved that he, in all likelihood, would never live to see the future that gave birth to this band of misfits.

* * *

**Burbank Buy More (parking lot)**

Mal walked to the entrance of the store where Casey had told them their shipmate was most likely to be, assuming of course that the case of mistaken identity had worked both ways. Casey was waiting just outside the store with Zoe keeping an eye on him. Wash and River were back in the shuttle, just outside of town, filling the role of the calvary should something unexpectedly go wrong... as, in Mal's experience, happened more often than not. Though, after everything that had already gone wrong over the last couple of days, the outlaw leader was hoping that for once things really would go smooth.

Reaching the front doors, Malcolm Reynolds entered the olden days electronics store... only to be instantly assaulted by a pair of overeager employees. "Donate to the Children's Miracle Network," one cried as he shoved a paper balloon in Mal's face.

"What?" the captain asked as he took a subconscious step backwards.

"Buy a balloon and help a child in need," the other member of the pair, a larger, dimwitted looking fellow, cut in before Mal had a chance to fully recover from the thin employee's first brazen act.

"What the... how would buying a piece of paper help a child in need?" the visitor from another planet asked as he cast a strange, wary sort of look at the pair of Earthlings.

His question was answered by another piece of paper, this time a pamphlet showing a bunch of dirty faced kids crowded together in a 'group shot'. "The money from every balloon sold goes to help fund hospitals and foundations for underprivileged children."

"How can you say no to faces like these?"

Despite the two's overenthusiastic selling approach, the cause did seem to be a good one... assuming of course it wasn't some kind of a scam. Mal wasn't wholly convinced that was the case, since the various plights of under privileged children was a favorite 'hook' of shysters and conmen, and it did seem a little strange to be tying contributions to paper balloons which, even given the primitive technology of Earth-That-Was, were easy enough to duplicate.

But it didn't really matter either way. Worthy cause or scam, Mal didn't have any ancient Earth currency to give the two Buy More employees. "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't have any money," he replied as he tried to sidestep the two.

They seemed unconvinced, however, and quickly moved to intercept. "Come on, it's only a dollar. I'm sure you have at least a buck."

"No, I don't. Sorry."

"Alright, I didn't want to have to do this. But you've forced me. Either buy a balloon, or Jeff here slits his wrists," the thin employee responded as the other one held a box-cutter up to his arm.

"And I don't think you want something like that on your conscience, do you?"

"What?!" Mal exclaimed in shock as he gaped at the two, obviously insane locals.

Luckily, Jayne was within earshot. "Mal, is that you?" He quickly rushed over before the employee's idiocy could continue any further. "Oh, Mal, you've gotta get me out of here. The people who live here are completely crazy."

"So I'm seeing."

"Oh, Casey, he's a friend of yours. Sorry."

"Yeah, we thought he was a customer."

"Jeff, you can put the box-cutter away," the thiner, darker of the pair said. Then he leaned in to whisper, "Don't worry, we took the blade out this morning. All that's left is the metal guide."

Any sanity that statement had caused the two to reclaim in Mal's eyes was quickly lost as another person entered the store and the two overeager employees rushed off to launch into their contribution routine once more. Clearly Early Earthlings were an unstable bunch.

"Come on, Jayne. Let's get you out of here."

Jayne happily followed Mal outside the store and around the corner, where Casey was waiting. "What the..." The interplanetary killer began as he caught site of his ancestor. "What'd ya do, Mal, clone me?"

"Yeah, right. 'Cause we really need two of you," Zoe replied before her captain had a chance.

"Then what?"

"Jayne meet your great, great, great, grrrrrreat grandfather... John Casey."

"Oh, this is all manner of disturbing."

"That it is. However I'm afraid we're going to have to cut this family reunion short. The longer you two stand next to each other the greater the chance someone's going to take notice, and we really don't need to be messing with the time stream anymore than we already have. So..."

"Right," Jayne replied as he shrugged out of his green vest and handed it over. "Ah, see ya," he continued in an odd, dazed sort of tone.

Casey just grunted as he took the vest and walked around the corner of the store, heading towards the entrance and back to his 'normal' life.

Mal, Zoe and Jayne left the parking lot and made their way past the town border and to where the shuttle waited for them. Then they all took off, and upon reaching Serenity the whole crew was together once more.

Now if they could only figure out a way to reopen that wormhole and get back home...

* * *

_But such concerns are issues for another tale..._

_

* * *

_Well, I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. Please drop a review and let me know what you thought. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.


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